Friday, November 13, 2009

sometimes i am forgetful

as i settled into routine life and work in this beautiful city, i forgot to be thankful for how i got here. i know you're all probably sick and tired of hearing about it for the millionth time.. but i've been reminded lately of how much favour God has lavished on me since coming here, and i still can't wrap my head around it- why me, God? and i didn't even do a single thing besides receive the blessings!

but God didn't just stop there..

i had to move out from my other place in Vancouver (miss living there sooo much cuz it was so central!) cuz of my landlord, and the endless killings of daddy long legs cuz it was a basement. i decided to try and find a place in 2 days, so i could give my landlord 30 days notice, haha.. and not only did i find a place in just 2 days, but it was cheaper (and the price i was hoping to pay), twice the size of my old place, has high ceilings, radiant heating, stainguard carpet, and CABLE TV!!!!!!!!i haven't had cable for 6 years, so it's quite awesome. it's in Richmond, where basements don't exist, so no more spiders either! so basically i got everything i was looking for, and then some.

oh and i got another job.

i got a call for an interview a week before i moved, and when i went to see her 2 days after i moved, she basically hired me on the spot, just like w/my other job! she had my resume from LAST November, so she called me, because her chinese MT was going on mat leave in January. it's only a 5 min drive from my new place, and i don't even have to quit my current job because she's going to work around my schedule, so i'll be going from working 13hrs/week -> 28hrs/week in January!

the job came pretty much out of nowhere, and happened SO quickly too. i think she hired me on the spot mainly cuz i'm chinese and they do a lotta work w/chinese residents there haha.. but i've actually never worked w/chinese seniors before (ones who only speak chinese), and singing mando/canto songs! so after orientation w/the MT, i thought i'd be totally screwed cuz i can barely get by reading and speaking chinese, let alone singing songs!

but God took care of that too.

that same week, there was a MT workshop on songs to use w/multicultural people, and one of them worked w/chinese seniors, so i got some resources there, and then i went to the local MT conference 2 weeks later, and there was a workshop specifically for chinese songs!! seriously, what are the chances?!

it's been blessing after blessing after blessing... and just when i thought His extravagance had come to an end, He gave me even more. there has never been such a time as this in my life (well, as far as i can remember anyway) and i don't understand why, because i'm no better than the next person.

actually what inspired me to write this post was because when i attended the MT conference, and talked/listened to other MTs, i realized how FREAKING lucky i was to have only 2 jobs = (nearly) full-time hours. because typically when people start their MT careers, they'll have multiple jobs at different places, working a few hours at one location, then traveling to another to work for another few hours. i'm talking like 3-5 different places, and that's just the norm because it's much cheaper to hire a contractor (no benefits/paid holidays) for a few hours/week instead of employing an MT full-time (w/benefits, etc).

and while i told people i found my first MT job in 3 months, in reality it was really only ONE month (including the time spent sending out resumes), which is amazing, especially for a specialized profession as this, because we're not like accountants where companies hire a number of them, but each place only hires one MT, so once that position's filled, that's it, end of story.

at the conference, i didn't even want to tell people about my second job, because i felt so bad that some were still struggling to find contracts, while i was basically set in terms of working hours in just less than a year of working. i'm just incredibly blessed and humbled by His extraordinary show of love on me. and all i can do is praise Him and testify of His goodness.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

you know you're a vancouverite when...

in honour of my 2 year anniversary of moving to vancouver...i came up with a list, a lot of the items are driving related, since those are the biggest differences i've noticed, in comparison to TO :P
(note: not all things apply to me, points if you know which ones!)

you know you're a vancouverite when...

-you can cross any street without being afraid of getting run over
-you hate starbucks but still drink it cuz it's on every corner
-you don't honk even when people cut you off, and you brake for them (same goes for pedestrians)
-you think a $7 meal is cheap
-you think anywhere further than a 30min drive is too far
-you complain that it's too cold when the temperature drops below 15 degrees
-you can parallel park on both sides of the road, and without feeling bad for the cars waiting behind you
-you know at least one person who doesn't need to work a day in their life, but works anyway because they need to kill time somehow (i'm not bitter, just tell me how to make this happen!)
-you always carry extra change in the car for meter parking
-you use the mountains as your compass (north)
-the smell of weed outside the mall, restaurant, street, etc. doesn't faze you
-you keep an umbrella in your car permanently, because it rains 9 months in a year
-you drive in the alleyways behind houses like they're real streets
-you automatically link one's socio-economic status to their home address (west van=filthy rich; east van=middle class)
-you drive around and around just to find free parking
-you realize that you are one of many other Torontonians who've moved here
-you enjoy going to tiny, hole-in-the-wall restaurants to eat, because only locals know them
-you take sushi for granted, cuz it's everywhere
-you are scared to drive when there's a couple of centimeters of snow on the ground
-you call every other race by their derogatory name except for blacks
-you refer to Toronto as the big ugly city
-at least half of your income goes towards your rent/mortgage
-you go to the club at 10pm to avoid lining up (they close @2am)
-you aren't scared to be vocal with other drivers when on the road (i once saw a chinese man get out of his car to yell at the guy behind him who was honking)
-you can honestly say that Vancouver is the best city to live in

Sunday, August 16, 2009

crazy goodness day

i would say it's arguably one of the best days i've had in a life isn't very exciting ok?

it all began in the early morn with a $2 tank top sale @old navy, because i dyed my white tanks pink in the laundry, so i bought 5 new ones for $10, which was the reg. price for ONE tank. SCORE!

then on my way home, i JUST missed getting another ticket at the same stop sign from last summer: i was the first car and i braked, but i don't think i stopped for the full 3 seconds, since i wasn't really awake yet, and then i noticed the police car right there, so i braked again like there was another stop sign ahaha and when the car behind me pulled up beside me, the policeman came out and stopped the other car and let me go!!!!PHEWWWW.. God definitely saved me there!!cuz usually it's the first car that gets screwed lol..

then i headed for granville island to meet up w/steve and adrian, where i got a little pink from sake tasting (cuz i didn't eat anything yet!)..then i had a scallop burger, during which i got a call from a friend currently training in the navy (and has limited means of communication) - yayyy :D

then i got ANOTHER call from a rental place i fell in love with yesterday, but had lost hope for because he wanted someone for sept 1st, but i could only move on the 15th, because i had to give my landlord 30days notice. so he agreed to it!!!!! it's at least 2x the size of my place now, it's NOT a basement, and it's cheaper, all inclusive-basic cable too!oh, and 9ft ceilings or something...and i've only looked for 2 days. this was probably the best and most exciting part of the day-month, even! because i'd given up already, since he was pretty adamant about starting on the 1st, and then everything just turned around, just like that! only by His hands, that's for sure.

then we happened upon a hippie festival in kits, which turned out to be a 40yr anniversary celebration of woodstock, where i discovered the new opening of david's tea on 4th!!!!which i'd only found in TO last summer and thoroughly enjoyed.

then i went to a chinese wedding banquet accompanying lina, where we were 2/6 people at a 10 person table, meaning....everyone took home at least 2 boxes of food each and a full stomach..then walked it off at the night market to finally end a long, eventful but definitely aweeesome day..

i was so excited(or wired from the 2 caffeine doses..) the whole day, i was seriously worried i'd get into some big mess, like a car accident or something cuz i was floating on cloud 9, and i enjoy driving especially even more in that state of bliss, so carefree and just might not be fit for the road.

wow i'm tired.

Monday, August 10, 2009

i wish i had a better memory

so that i can remember all the things God has said to me, and not have to go through repentance for the same things over and over again.. so i can walk in His truth everyday, as His daughter, and not listen to the devil's deceptions in my head.

hmmm i guess reading the Bible more would help too.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Brooke Fraser - Shadow Feet

Walking, stumbling
On these shadow feet
Toward home, a land that I’ve never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began

And I have sensed it all along
Now fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

There’s distraction
Buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay
But I’ve heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"Missing someone isn’t about how long

it has been since you have seen them
or the amount of time since you’ve talked.
It’s about that very moment when
you’re doing something and you wish
that they were right there with you."

Friday, June 19, 2009

even after everything

after all that's said and done, at the end of the day, a big part of my heart is undeniably still in toronto, with my family and friends i've known for 10 years, or even in the last few years.

i don't know what it is, but it seems like every time i go back, it gets harder and harder to leave. isn't it supposed to get easier?!?

guess it's true what they say, distance makes the heart grow happened between my sisters and i. we were never really close/got along until i moved here, i mean the middle one and i were even housemates in university for a term, and we definitely did not click. she's always been closer to my youngest sister, even though their age gap was 5 years, while ours was 2, but now she listens to my opinions, and we actually talk! granted, she is more mature and in a different place in life now, which changes many things. but the growth in our sisterhood came unexpectedly...

as were the newer friendships i formed only after i left, while previously existing friendships faded doesn't really compute, but life's just funny that way. nothing ever happens the way you expect it to.

some of my TO friends are still surprised when they find out that i'm planning on staying out here indefinitely/permanently/whatever you want to call it, even though i had decided that over a year ago already.

it was really tough to physically get on the plane and come back.. to leave the ones i treasure deeply, especially my family, whom i can never talk about without getting emotional, not really knowing when we'll see each other again. i wanted to run back out of the airport gates like they do in the climax in the movie, when they realize what a huge mistake they're making, and they run like they're running for their life, until they finally catch up to their loved one and they reunite in a big embrace with tears running down their faces uncontrollably.

.......yeah, i like drama. haha there, i said it. that, and singer/songwriter/guitarists like gabe bondoc..omggggg if i could marry him i so would. then he could play and sing for me everyday, all the time, without break. why are those ppl all in CALI!?!why can't they be here in vancity?!sigh.

sorry tangent!"MOR-MON, MOR-MON"!!!!

wow. i need sleep.

back to my point.......i guess that's why i've been slow in attacking my accreditation...because i'm scared, and it means i'm really really saying that i want to be here permanently (not that i haven't already), but it's like another brick i'm laying down, that further cements my decision to be here, until the point of no return. wellllllll, i guess that's not true, but i would have invested a lot, and it'd all go to waste if i moved back.

honestly the biggest differences between the 2 cities are: church and nature (and family obviously, but i have awesome friends in both places, just more in TO, sadly.)

the only thing keeping me from going back is my church community-my amazing CG who loves and gives and supports to no end, the pastor whose sermons get me right there, and the crazy prayers i receive. there is no other place i've ever known like this before, and i've learned soooooo much since i started going. i've learned how to pray with more of His authority and how to rely on Him for things i thought i could handle on my own...only to see how much GREATER things can be when i do rely on Him. He's shown me how well He truly knows who i am, and just showers me with His goodness because i am me. i don't believe i would've been able to experience the same extent of this crazy, over-the-top love had i stayed in Toronto, sooooooooo we're back at square 1.

i knew the conclusion before i wrote all this, but this is for all you people in TO, so you know how much y'all mean to me, that you still make me go back and forth, wishing for what i don't have, long after i knew what the final answer would be anyway. it's torturous, believe me, but i needed to remind myself of the reasons why i need to be here, because i was pretty depressed to be back.

so to my TO peeps - just cuz i'm here doesn't mean i love you guys any less!!!!!!!!


Monday, June 1, 2009

attitude changes everything

ever since i moved from my apartment in burnaby to a basement suite in vancouver, i've had no shortage of computer/internet problems. for over a month, my laptop would crash whenever i tried reconnecting to the internet, which was probably about 10x a day. it got to a point where i was ready to smash it on the ground/throw it into the ocean and i was thisclose to buying a macbook.

then my landlord moved out from upstairs, and a new family moved in, but we didn't have internet for nearly 2 weeks, because telus couldn't come to install it earlier (landlord had shaw). i don't have computer/internet access @work (not to mention i'm only there for like 15hrs/week) and there weren't any unsecured networks around, so i had to go to the library/starbucks every day just to check email/fb/twitter etc etc.

about 2 weeks after we got internet, i got a note from the family upstairs saying they couldn't share internet with us (me and girl in the other suite) anymore, because there was a copyright infringement complaint filed against them! the other girl had downloaded a CSI torrent @work, and brought it home to be careful those of you who d/l!!

so i had to call telus and get internet installed downstairs, and this is where things got really interesting!the earliest they could come was a week later, which meant another week @the library/jackie's/starbucks. when the guy came to install internet, he said he didn't have a modem for me because the order didn't say i needed one. i called telus to ask why i didn't get a modem, and they said they made a mistake on the order so they'd get one to me the next day. it didn't come the next day, so i called them again to ask where it was, and they said it got sent to my old address. installation guy got it right, why didn't they get it right this time? then they said the earliest they could get the modem to me was a week later, because they depended on canada post's schedule. no idea how that works, since they were able to send it to my old address the next day, but not this time?very strange indeed.

i finally received the modem a week later, only to find that there was no internet connection. i called them again and they said someone would get back to me within the next 3 days. that was the last straw.

after a week of phoning telus almost everyday, being put on hold, yelling at the manager, getting frustrated and waiting for the modem and callbacks, i finally got internet at home! that was the climax of 3 months' worth of comp/internet frustrations.

what changed? i was sick and tired of being frustrated and pissed off, but i couldn't help it, because i've never had this much trouble with internet ever..and then i dropped my phone on the ground and the touch screen didn't work at all, so i was totally freaking out, since it was all i had left to connect with the world. i cried and then i decided to just accept it and let it go, since there was really nothing else i could do. part of life, right?

and then i started singing some worship songs...cuz i remembered what my pastor said that sunday-when we worship and sing praises to God, we're sticking it to the enemy! haha.. the next day, telus called and said i was lucky, cuz a technician was able to drop by that day and see what was wrong with the connection, turned out that the first guy didn't connect it properly, so he fixed it, and i finally finally had internet working. later that night @CG, i showed my phone to DK and he just snapped it back together and it worked again! i was so frustrated the day before i didn't even notice it had cracked open.

everything was made right again in just one day!after i decided to let it go, and realized that i am not lacking anything to survive, to say the least. i have a job, a place to live, food to eat, enough clothes to last me 2 months, supportive family and church community...i have much more than i actually need, so i have no right to complain. but of course, it's always easier to say once you're on the other side..

Monday, May 4, 2009


so i have to admit, i've been feeling kind of homesick recently.. usually that happens when life's not going so well, which was the case in the last couple of weeks. when i'm homesick, i crave for the company of family and friends, my mom's homecooked food and milk tea, and chinese food in TO. (i love food ok?)

when things get really bad, i actually think about going home, as in moving back to TO. (yes, i experience temporary moments of insanity)

guess it's still my place of refuge and comfort, even though i've been living in Vancouver for almost 2 years now. (crazy huh?)

but God knows me too well, and yesterday as i got prayed over by church leaders, the FIRST thing justin said was "home", and "you've found your home already, and your home is here."

true story. thanks for making it loud and clear, big guy!

i've known that for a long time...but still have yet to let it go. i have to stop calling TO my home, cuz it's not anymore. Vancouver's my home now. sounds big and scary.. when i meet new people, most of them are surprised when i tell them i moved from TO by myself. i'm surprised too, actually now that i think about it.. definitely couldn't have done it if it wasn't in His plans for me.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

the moments i work for/why i love my job

many times when people ask me how my job's going i don't always have the best response.. because i forget things easily, and the tiredness and sore throat stay with me long after i finish working.

when work is over, i forget about it, and i leave it behind.. maybe a little too much.

i forget about the brief instances where a genuine connection was formed, and i forget about the moments that reaffirm my calling to this occupation and makes it all worth it.

like when they just sang goodbye to me spontaneously after i finished singing goodbye to them. or when someone said they missed me after not seeing them for a week, or when family members/staff tell me how much the residents enjoy the music, and i receive constant appreciation and thanks for my job.

after i finished a session last week, one of the residents said to me, you know that was just under an hour but in a place like this, a day can be really long..

not to mention that God has blessed me in all the different aspects of my job...kind, sweet residents to work with (save for a few), family members/staff who help me set up for sessions, a manager who believes in me and what i do even though she hasn't seen 85% of my work, and nearly double the number of work hours in a week after i started (from 10 to 18 hours)!!

i think He really wants to show me just how much He loves me, cuz i didn't do anything to deserve all of those extra cherries on top, to say the least!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

things that warm my heart

-the imoo boys: they just melt my heart. one is 2 years old, and i've had the chance to help his mom put him to sleep twice, at the end of which he says, "i love you tasey"'s the most precious thing in the world!!honestly it'd be ok if i died now. and when i get to hold his baby brother, who's almost 3 months old, everything is good in the world again when i see him sleep peacefully in my arms. i just can't explain it...i don't want to let him go even when my arm starts going numb.
-random words of kindness in conversation.. ie. talking to you always makes me smile :)
-talking to my sisters on the phone-we never did until last fall
-vanilla bean lattes from second cup
-seeing the kids @church hug each other spontaneously
-catching up w/close friends one-on-one
-receiving cards/pictures/packages in the mail
-chilling out in one of my sisters' rooms talking about nothing and acting stupid/weird to make them laugh
-seeing the snow-capped mountains in the distance on a clear day
-having dinner as a whole family at home
-when joshua calls his brother "baby matthew!" with a big smile on his face
-random text messages from friends
-walking in/next to the ocean and listening to the waves

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

better late than never, right?

my goals for this year:

1. Drive down the coast to Califooooornia this summer
2. Finish my music therapy accreditation
3. To be fully independent financially
4. Go camping somewhere this summer
5. Persuade TO friends to visit me, if not move here
6. Save up $$ to visit Min in Australia in the next 2 years
7. Meet people outside of church
8. Attempt the Grouse Grind
9. Exercise 2x/month... as opposed to 1x/year..
10. Take better photos
11. Go to Vegas for a shopping spree and see "O"
12. Learn how to rollerblade and attempt blading on the seawall again
13. Go white water rafting and sailing

guess that was more of a "what i want to do this summer" list...but i do live for the summer :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

10 things i hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

torontonian no more

yesterday i went to get my car insurance, license plates, and driver's license changed over from Ontario -> BC, so i had to surrender my license plates and license as well... *tear!

after taking off my ontario license plates and putting on my new BC ones, i was giddy with excitement, as i drove to meet an old friend visiting from TO, with my windows down and the sunshine pouring on me... i was on top of the world, because this was my first step in officially declaring that i'm going to be living here on the west coast. i'm a vancouverite now!

it was definitely more bittersweet than exhilarating when i had to give up my driver's licenses (my expired and recently renewed one). my eyes widened and i think my mouth dropped a little when the person stapled them to a piece of paper and then proceeded to mark them up with a black sharpie w/my new BC license #.... there was no way of turning back now.

2 years ago when i was first considering doing my internship over here, i was not ready for all that He had prepared in advance for me, nor was i expecting the abundance of blessings of truth spoken into my life and His persistent ways of loving me. i have never ever felt so loved by Him until i came here, and that's largely because of my church and cg, because His Spirit moves plainly amongst them.

so even though it crushed my heart to see the last pieces of my ontarian identity be taken away, and therefore acknowledging that my home is not in Toronto anymore, i am relieved that after a whole year of playing limbo between the two cities, it's finally over!!i'm expecting more craziness this year, and i'm proud to say that i'm a west coaster now....

but i will always be torontonian when it comes to driving.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

dear life: can you slow down?

life is zooming past me.. and i'm left behind, scratching my head wondering what just happened. i guess what they say is true... the older you get, the fewer friends you'll have.

loving this song right now:

You Found Me

Thursday, January 29, 2009

photographer's dream

i had a dream last night...about walking/driving all over europe and snapping shots of the city and people there. it was SOOOOOO much fun, i absolutely LOVED it.

but a dream is just a dream. maybe in 10 years i'll be able to do that...i'll just have to drool over other people's shots for now.

Monday, January 26, 2009

yes or no?

the month of December was a complete whirlwind of events that turned everything around. it was an overflowing of God's love for me, and His favour upon my life. it was also one of my best Christmases ever.

on Dec. 8, my parents called me and asked what my 'plans' were in terms of the job situation, although they knew there weren't really any job prospects coming up...and then my dad said something along the lines of "you should find a job and stay over there". WHAT?!?! this whole time i thought they both wanted me to move back because they kept complaining about how everything's more expensive here, etc. and then they started talking about letting me stay a bit longer, like May, since that's when my temp position ends, and if i can't find anything by then, i'll have to move back.

i was completely floored, because i never tried asking them to extend the deadline because when they first gave me the deadline back in August, they were really firm and said they're not going to change their minds even if i ask, so i didn't even try persuading them out of it because they were so strict about it. they kept reminding me of the deadline too, so them changing their minds out of the blue was completely unexpected, and the last thing that i ever thought would happen. it was undeniably all His work, and it was so much better than anything i asked for...

right before my parents called me that night, i was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about my job situation, and how it seemed that throughout the whole process, there's been moments of excitement/anticipation, and then they just disappear soon if God's testing my faith and asking if i'll really trust in Him to provide, no matter what happens. i had been feeling at peace with my job situation for the past 2 weeks before my parents called, and i wasn't even worried at all, even though the reality was quite dismal, and nothing seemed to be happening. that was totally by God's grace, because i had been so stressed about it in November, but somehow it all changed, and then my parents changed...there was absolutely no doubt that God wanted me to be here.

fast forward to Dec. 19, i received an email from one of the senior homes i'd applied to back in November but had said there wasn't a position available at the time. well, their music therapist had resigned, so we scheduled an interview for Monday, and they basically hired me on the spot! it's a PT position, 12.5 hours/week, but my pay is almost equal to my FT temp position. quite unbelievably incredible ya? not only did my parents change their minds (the most impossible thing next to me getting a job before Christmas), but God gave me a job within my parents' original deadline, surpassing all preconceived hopes, notions, and expectations!

now the only thing i really wanted was to be home for Christmas... i had decided earlier in December that i wouldn't go home for once, since flights were so expensive and i was planning to move out of my apartment at the end of the month, but things changed and i didn't have to move just yet. so that same day on Dec. 19, my friend told me about the Westjet sale, and i told my parents just for kicks, and they told me to come back, and they even offered to pay for half my ticket! although i was prepared to stay in Vancouver, and my friend was making Christmas turkey dinner for the orphans, i was just blown away by God's amazing goodness to me. and as a friend noted, i am the queen of last minute trips to Toronto.

i had the best of both worlds for Christmas: i was able to spend Christmas with friends in Vancouver, then headed to Toronto on the red eye flight, arriving just in time to keep the boxing day tradition alive with my sisters (we drove straight to Sherway from the airport), then jampacked the next 2 weeks with breakfast/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner/coffee/bbt/dessert dates and 3 trips to downtown with family and friends. it was busy, but fun..and i had the chance to hang out with some friends more than a couple of times, which was really nice, since the last time i went back for Thanksgiving, i didn't even get to see everyone. i even made some new friends, and got reaquainted with a couple of elementary school friends.

what did i do to deserve any of this? nothing. nothing. nothing at all. except trust Him, knowing that He has plans to prosper me and not harm me.

what an amazing Father.

i thoroughly enjoyed my time back, and it was hard to leave... because one morning after a night of freezing rain, my mom slipped and fell on the driveway. i was in the car , having backed out of the garage already, and heard my mom fall after she opened the door. it totally freaked me out, and i had to help her up from the ground. thankfully she was ok, having fallen on her bum and not her head first, but it really shook me up to see my mom like that. so much so that for the first time ever, i seriously considered moving back.

yes, even after everything i went through to stay in Vancouver.

so when i returned, i was, and still kind of am homesick. my sisters wrote me a plane letter, saying they missed me, and hoped the next time i return will be forever, and not just for a week or two. it was bittersweet, because my sisters would've never said anything like that before i came here, but at the same time i knew my place was irrefutably here in Vancouver.

i started my new job, as a MUSIC THERAPIST last week, and i'm ashamed to say that it wasn't all i had hoped for or expected, but i know i just need to keep trusting Him.

i've felt myself retracting from life here a bit since i returned, i don't know why, and it's scary..maybe because this time is the first time i'm coming back knowing that i am staying in Vancouver for good, and nothing is up in the air anymore, and this is the real deal. O_O it's so strange, because after finally getting a job here, i'm not happier/more excited as i thought i'd be...maybe because the fact that i'm really moving out and away from my family is really starting to hit me.

i know i can't back out after everything (God) that got me to where i am now, but i can't say i haven't entertained the thought of moving back. BUT i know i just need to keep moving forward and trust in Him, since He has led me this far for a purpose, so i've been trying to do things to lay my roots planning to get a BC driver's license and my car plates and insurance changed, so hopefully my heart will follow. i'm such a tool.