Thursday, January 29, 2009

photographer's dream

i had a dream last night...about walking/driving all over europe and snapping shots of the city and people there. it was SOOOOOO much fun, i absolutely LOVED it.

but a dream is just a dream. maybe in 10 years i'll be able to do that...i'll just have to drool over other people's shots for now.

Monday, January 26, 2009

yes or no?

the month of December was a complete whirlwind of events that turned everything around. it was an overflowing of God's love for me, and His favour upon my life. it was also one of my best Christmases ever.

on Dec. 8, my parents called me and asked what my 'plans' were in terms of the job situation, although they knew there weren't really any job prospects coming up...and then my dad said something along the lines of "you should find a job and stay over there". WHAT?!?! this whole time i thought they both wanted me to move back because they kept complaining about how everything's more expensive here, etc. and then they started talking about letting me stay a bit longer, like May, since that's when my temp position ends, and if i can't find anything by then, i'll have to move back.

i was completely floored, because i never tried asking them to extend the deadline because when they first gave me the deadline back in August, they were really firm and said they're not going to change their minds even if i ask, so i didn't even try persuading them out of it because they were so strict about it. they kept reminding me of the deadline too, so them changing their minds out of the blue was completely unexpected, and the last thing that i ever thought would happen. it was undeniably all His work, and it was so much better than anything i asked for...

right before my parents called me that night, i was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about my job situation, and how it seemed that throughout the whole process, there's been moments of excitement/anticipation, and then they just disappear soon if God's testing my faith and asking if i'll really trust in Him to provide, no matter what happens. i had been feeling at peace with my job situation for the past 2 weeks before my parents called, and i wasn't even worried at all, even though the reality was quite dismal, and nothing seemed to be happening. that was totally by God's grace, because i had been so stressed about it in November, but somehow it all changed, and then my parents changed...there was absolutely no doubt that God wanted me to be here.

fast forward to Dec. 19, i received an email from one of the senior homes i'd applied to back in November but had said there wasn't a position available at the time. well, their music therapist had resigned, so we scheduled an interview for Monday, and they basically hired me on the spot! it's a PT position, 12.5 hours/week, but my pay is almost equal to my FT temp position. quite unbelievably incredible ya? not only did my parents change their minds (the most impossible thing next to me getting a job before Christmas), but God gave me a job within my parents' original deadline, surpassing all preconceived hopes, notions, and expectations!

now the only thing i really wanted was to be home for Christmas... i had decided earlier in December that i wouldn't go home for once, since flights were so expensive and i was planning to move out of my apartment at the end of the month, but things changed and i didn't have to move just yet. so that same day on Dec. 19, my friend told me about the Westjet sale, and i told my parents just for kicks, and they told me to come back, and they even offered to pay for half my ticket! although i was prepared to stay in Vancouver, and my friend was making Christmas turkey dinner for the orphans, i was just blown away by God's amazing goodness to me. and as a friend noted, i am the queen of last minute trips to Toronto.

i had the best of both worlds for Christmas: i was able to spend Christmas with friends in Vancouver, then headed to Toronto on the red eye flight, arriving just in time to keep the boxing day tradition alive with my sisters (we drove straight to Sherway from the airport), then jampacked the next 2 weeks with breakfast/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner/coffee/bbt/dessert dates and 3 trips to downtown with family and friends. it was busy, but fun..and i had the chance to hang out with some friends more than a couple of times, which was really nice, since the last time i went back for Thanksgiving, i didn't even get to see everyone. i even made some new friends, and got reaquainted with a couple of elementary school friends.

what did i do to deserve any of this? nothing. nothing. nothing at all. except trust Him, knowing that He has plans to prosper me and not harm me.

what an amazing Father.

i thoroughly enjoyed my time back, and it was hard to leave... because one morning after a night of freezing rain, my mom slipped and fell on the driveway. i was in the car , having backed out of the garage already, and heard my mom fall after she opened the door. it totally freaked me out, and i had to help her up from the ground. thankfully she was ok, having fallen on her bum and not her head first, but it really shook me up to see my mom like that. so much so that for the first time ever, i seriously considered moving back.

yes, even after everything i went through to stay in Vancouver.

so when i returned, i was, and still kind of am homesick. my sisters wrote me a plane letter, saying they missed me, and hoped the next time i return will be forever, and not just for a week or two. it was bittersweet, because my sisters would've never said anything like that before i came here, but at the same time i knew my place was irrefutably here in Vancouver.

i started my new job, as a MUSIC THERAPIST last week, and i'm ashamed to say that it wasn't all i had hoped for or expected, but i know i just need to keep trusting Him.

i've felt myself retracting from life here a bit since i returned, i don't know why, and it's scary..maybe because this time is the first time i'm coming back knowing that i am staying in Vancouver for good, and nothing is up in the air anymore, and this is the real deal. O_O it's so strange, because after finally getting a job here, i'm not happier/more excited as i thought i'd be...maybe because the fact that i'm really moving out and away from my family is really starting to hit me.

i know i can't back out after everything (God) that got me to where i am now, but i can't say i haven't entertained the thought of moving back. BUT i know i just need to keep moving forward and trust in Him, since He has led me this far for a purpose, so i've been trying to do things to lay my roots planning to get a BC driver's license and my car plates and insurance changed, so hopefully my heart will follow. i'm such a tool.