truth

march has been an incredibly fun and busy month, with Nancy visiting for 1.5 weeks, dinners, recording sessions, work, etc... i'm only home for maybe one night, or two nights per week at most, so i've been keeping pretty busy...and this month just flew by.

i really feel that God is calling me to stay here in Vancouver. He has blessed me beyond what i could ever imagine, and i've experienced Him in ways i never even thought of. going to New Joy has been an eye-opening experience for me, and it is home for me, even though i do not know 75% of the church, but God speaks to me there, each and every sunday. there is no denying of His power or presence-He is moving. i cannot even count the number of times i've broken down and cried during service because of what He convicted me of, in the deepest and inner parts of me, and spoke into my life. it is incredibly bone-chilling and i am left shaking in awe and wonder.

today was just like that. the sermon was on God's authority vs. the authorities we submit to here on earth...and keeping our eyes focused on the prize ahead, and forgetting everything... carrying the cross daily. i've been trying to shop less,
and not give into the consumerism, but i fail every time. it's near impossible, living across the mall and working there too. i don't think i've gone 2 weeks without buying at least one thing, big or small. and yesterday was probably the worst failure. i bought a used DSLR for $600 on Tuesday, and i resolved to not shop for a month, since it was such a big purchase. but what happened? i spent $100 when i went to seattle with my friends. it was a planned road trip since january, so i couldn't back out. but i felt so guilty and ashamed and disappointed in myself afterwards.

i just want it to stop, but i do not have the power to do it myself, as seen in my numerous failures. so all i can do is surrender it to God, who has ALL the power, over all the other authorities in this world. although it probably wouldn't hurt to take my credit card out of my wallet too.

i think my only regret about living here is that i don't have a spiritual mentor. someone i can talk to about my walk and hold me accountable and provide spiritual guidance and support.

sometimes i think that maybe i'm meant to go at it alone, without a partner or companion, as much as i hope and desire for one, and it'll just be me and God.

whatever the future holds, i'm open to it, for it's all in His mighty hands.