Monday, January 28, 2008


where is home for me? right now, it is still Toronto, where my family and closest friends are. but when i'm content and well-fed, i don't mind entertaining the thought of staying in BC after i finish my internship. but what happens when i run into difficulties? at this point, i can't say that there's someone here i'd call for my emotional distress like i have in TO, so there's been more of that between God and i...

maybe it all just comes down to fear. the fear of getting involved with people here (makes it harder to leave), fear of letting others in and trusting them with the things on my heart, fear of loving the west coast.....because it will lead to uncertainty if i decide to stay, and i can't deal with that.

not knowing if i'll be able to find a job and support myself, a reasonably priced place to live, or even have a car here....scares the heck out of me. and i think that's the main reason i want to go back to TO after my internship ends-so i don't have to worry about all those uncertainties since everything's taken care of already, and not (entirely) because driving sucks and it's too expensive to live here.

but first, i need to truly immerse myself and give this city a fair chance before i can legitimately reject it.

No comments: