some kind of incredible...

the story of how i fell in love with the west coast... it's been 1 year, 1 month, and 7 days. an incredible year to say the least. so much has happened and changed. guess that's life.

when i heard about people moving away or friends leaving as i grew up, i always thought to myself that i'd never be one of those people; i could never move from Toronto and leave all my friends! but now that i've tasted and seen the west coast, i've slowly changed my mind.

i was really homesick recently, when i heard about things that were happening back home, and as much as i longed to be home, i had no means to do it, since home wasn't just an hour and half drive away anymore like when i lived in Waterloo. i hadn't been this homesick for a really long time-usually it's just a moment here and there triggered by reminders of home, but this time i even thought about moving back. as much as i miss my family and friends in Toronto, it was hard to imagine myself being back; i couldn't really see where i 'fit in' anymore. which further confirms my decision to stay here (as long as i find a job) because moving back didn't appeal to me, even when i felt extremely homesick.

this past year has been full of new experiences, adventures, challenges, learning, and growth, but overall, it has been a journey of discovering God in fresh and new ways, and a renewal of my relationship with Him. as my friend observed, God has been capturing my heart here in Vancouver. i have never felt so consistently loved by Him alone, and He has awakened my heart and my mind to understand old and new truths about His character. going to New Joy was the beginning of it all..my eyes have been opened to how BIG He really is, and how powerfully the Holy Spirit can move in our lives.

so although my parents have given me only until December to find a music therapy job, i have faith that God will provide, because i don't think my time is up here yet, which has also been affirmed by others. it's gonna take a lot to tear me away from the mountains and ocean here!

plan to be surprised.

4 years ago, i posted this picture up, and wondered where in the WORLD would i find cherry blossom trees? i thought they only existed in japan, so i'd probably never see them since they only bloom for a few months each year. i was completely ecstatic when i found out that they also existed in vancouver earlier this year. just goes to show that God cares about even the smallest details in my life, in addition to the big things...

when i first arrived here in Vancouver, people told me that i wouldn't want to leave this place by the time i finished my internship, but i didn't believe them. actually, friends back home said that too.. but i was so sure i'd be returning to Toronto after a year, because i was leaving my family and all my closest friends behind-basically all the people i love and care about. i didn't think it'd be possible to live over 4,000km away from them for a year, much less over a year. i felt like a big part of me was missing without my friends-that i wasn't fully "me" without them. it was strange, meeting all these new people who knew nothing about me or my past-i felt a little lost, since everyone was connected in some way back in Toronto.

the first few months were the most difficult, but expected since i needed time to re-adjust to a new environment and people. when i came back to Vancouver after going home for Christmas, i was ready to fully experience life here, and i made a conscious decision to make the most of my time here by trying out all the city had to offer. and boy did God show me! He turned my heart around and blessed me with girlfriends and an amazing church community, who opened my eyes to see more of God...which were, looking back now, what i needed the most.

but God doesn't just give the minimum-He pours out His love in abundance! after going to the beaches here, i was completely hooked. summer didn't begin until july, but once it arrived, it has been sunny everyday except for maybe one or two rainy days at most! a record for the rainy city. but i've been able to go to the beach almost every weekend at least once-i just can't get enough of the ocean and the mountains.

it's as if life propelled forward since i came back after Christmas, and God turned it all around so quickly. now i don't want to leave-i'm having way too much fun here. guess you'll just never know what will happen when you walk forward in obedience. i came so that i'd be more independent and grow and discover more about who i am... i'm comfortable with doing things on my own now, actually even prefer it sometimes, which is surprising to me, since i love being with others. God has really blessed me here, and i don't want to leave anytime soon. His plans are so much bigger than my plans-who am i to fight that?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

craziness

i think that just about summarizes the last two months.. with my sister visiting in late april and vicki for the last 2 weeks.. it's been non-stop fun. i haven't really had time to just sit and reflect. i can't seem to catch up with how fast time is going.

besides having visitors, there's been a lot of things going on at church too.. there's been numerous healings (uneven legs becoming even, lactose intolerant people can drink milk now, bodily pains disappearing..) and it seems to be moving forward quickly.. when the pastor started praying for healing at church, and stuff began happening, i was really really taken aback, and skeptical and o_O since i've never known anything like that before.

but after today, i don't want to be afraid anymore. i don't want to be scared to experience all of who He is and i just want to see Him and act through the Spirit's power in me. i was praying for Him to fill me up, so that others may experience His power/presence through me.. and when the pastor's wife, sonya, prayed for me, and she said that God has already given me the power and the authority-i just need to claim it and be obedient to whatever He calls me to do.

interestingly enough, a few weeks ago, the pastor came to our cg to 'de-mystify' the recent happenings in our church, and to answer any q's we might have.. afterwards he prayed for each of us, and when he prayed for me, he said something about me being a woman of authority, and that i'll speak of things w/weight and authority. when i heard that i was kind of incredulous..me? having authority?! LOL.. i'm probably the last person to be that.. but in sonya's prayer today, she said that God uses anyone...soo who knows. i just need to do my part and let Him work through me. nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

it was just so good to pray and sit in His presence today. i felt so peaceful.. for a change, since i'm usually rushing around to one thing or another. i really can't believe it's june already. only a few more months until i'm done my internship i HOPE! and then maybe some travelling......i can't wait to see what He's got in store for me in the coming months :)

pieces of home

in the last few days i've been able to talk to people back home, moreso than usual. yesterday, i got a call from an old friend from waterloo, during his stopover in Vancouver, and i discovered that an old hs friend is currently in Vancouver..today, i was on the phone with one of my best girlfriends from hs, who's coming to visit in May!!!!!, so i'm trying to plan a road trip to Banff (along with white water rafting hopefully!) and another friend who may be visiting in July too..such exciting things to look forward to:)

speaking of which, i've been doing some recording once a week for the past month with my newly adopted irish uncle Alastair, doing some covers and songs he's written. i could listen to him play guitar all day..can't wait until we have one completed song. despite the 34-year age gap, we clicked instantly-maybe because of his sarcastic humour, or maybe because of his youthfulness at heart. he also has the two cutest dogs who compete for your attention, and a stylish wife (lululemon sweatpants and black uggs!), Glenda, whom i've also adopted as my aunt, as we share the same love for food, especially dim sum and seafood:) although i've only started getting to know them better, they feel like family to me already.

for more pictures of what i've been up to lately, click here: http://picasaweb.google.ca/tracy.kwan

truth

march has been an incredibly fun and busy month, with Nancy visiting for 1.5 weeks, dinners, recording sessions, work, etc... i'm only home for maybe one night, or two nights per week at most, so i've been keeping pretty busy...and this month just flew by.

i really feel that God is calling me to stay here in Vancouver. He has blessed me beyond what i could ever imagine, and i've experienced Him in ways i never even thought of. going to New Joy has been an eye-opening experience for me, and it is home for me, even though i do not know 75% of the church, but God speaks to me there, each and every sunday. there is no denying of His power or presence-He is moving. i cannot even count the number of times i've broken down and cried during service because of what He convicted me of, in the deepest and inner parts of me, and spoke into my life. it is incredibly bone-chilling and i am left shaking in awe and wonder.

today was just like that. the sermon was on God's authority vs. the authorities we submit to here on earth...and keeping our eyes focused on the prize ahead, and forgetting everything... carrying the cross daily. i've been trying to shop less,
and not give into the consumerism, but i fail every time. it's near impossible, living across the mall and working there too. i don't think i've gone 2 weeks without buying at least one thing, big or small. and yesterday was probably the worst failure. i bought a used DSLR for $600 on Tuesday, and i resolved to not shop for a month, since it was such a big purchase. but what happened? i spent $100 when i went to seattle with my friends. it was a planned road trip since january, so i couldn't back out. but i felt so guilty and ashamed and disappointed in myself afterwards.

i just want it to stop, but i do not have the power to do it myself, as seen in my numerous failures. so all i can do is surrender it to God, who has ALL the power, over all the other authorities in this world. although it probably wouldn't hurt to take my credit card out of my wallet too.

i think my only regret about living here is that i don't have a spiritual mentor. someone i can talk to about my walk and hold me accountable and provide spiritual guidance and support.

sometimes i think that maybe i'm meant to go at it alone, without a partner or companion, as much as i hope and desire for one, and it'll just be me and God.

whatever the future holds, i'm open to it, for it's all in His mighty hands.

so many questions

but no answers.

how am i going to find a job here? what if i don't finish my internship by the end of August? what will happen to my car if i don't find a job by August? what if i have to stay longer? will i be able to find a good roommate? will i be able to support myself? will i be able to maintain a balanced diet without my parents? will my retail therapy ever stop? am i going to be independent enough to handle living here on my own?

i don't know! time is passing by too quickly-it'll be April in less than 2 weeks...o_O

the best snowboarding trip EVER

if only i had went earlier...but i can now say i have been snowboarding @Whistler!:)

if it wasn't for Nancy's visit, i might not have made it up there this winter. it was my first time boarding in BC, so it was quite the treat to say the least. i was planning to drive, but i got worried since my tires were pretty worn out and i didn't want them to turn our car around halfway there... so we took the greyhound after church on sunday, and it was a 2.5 hr drive up the mountain. the roads turned out to be clear, besides the construction, but i was so glad i didn't drive, because i was exhausted after boarding, and i had to leave right after to get back in time for work @5pm.

anyway, we booked our hotel online on friday, and the cheapest one turned out to be the Westin,a 5-star hotel, for $205/night inclusive. it was amaaazing. it was right next to the lifts, and they have ski valet, since they don't allow any skis/boards in the rooms.

here's some pics of the room:

oh, and they had a whole PAGE of things you could request for your room... like contact solution (travel size opti-free!) and shaving cream. we made 3 separate requests within 12 hours.. hahahahah. we're so chinese.

after we settled in, we went to catch the Fire & Ice show by the lifts. it was so awesome, and the energy and crowd was great. i felt like i was in a completely different country, it was exhilarating. we watched the snowboarders and skiiers warm-up and basically they jumped through a huge ring of fire while doing backflips etc. pretty nuts.

after the show ended, we did some grocery shopping and went back to the hotel and went to check out their fitness center, the avello spa & health club, which was super nice.. the work-out machines were facing the windows facing the mountains, and they had an outdoor pool (STILL open for winter!) which led to a smaller pool indoors. there was also a hot tub outside, so we stayed there for a bit before it closed at 10pm. pretty stinking awesome. they also had a eucalyptus steam room, but we discovered it too late :(

it was a very relaxing night at the hotel, we made gong jai meen for dinner, and blueberry pie for dessert. because there's no night boarding @Whistler, we had to go early the next morning.

we woke up @7am and after getting our gear and packing up, and i FINALLY had the vanilla bean latte i'd been craving forever (since there's only 3 Second Cups in Vancouver), we were on our way up the gondola before 9am. the gondola ride was around 15 minutes. it was rainy at the bottom, so it was snowy as we went up the lifts. we were pretty soaked by the end but it was worth it. we went down 3 or 4 runs, which took us about 20-30 minutes each. there wasn't enough time to go on all the runs, but my last run was the most brutal, because it was windy and narrow, with the mountain on one side, and a kind of cliff on the other. that one probably took us around an hour to get down.

too bad i had to leave right after lunch to rush to work that night, but it was the most glorious snowboarding experience i've ever had! boarding on a huge mountain, with a view of mountains, it was beautiful even though it was rainy/snowy.